*The following piece is meant to be a satirical analysis of the case Dreyfoos v. Seniors from the point of view of a disgruntled sophomore.

A storm of seniors decked in black and gold rush down the bleachers, covering the floor of the gym like ants on a fallen sandwich. As the stadium in which “gladiators” from each grade have fought in for the last week is filled with roars of excitement and sighs of disappointment, the seniors rush through the gym doors. The Spirit Stick is hoisted high into the air, and the week-long ordeal is over. 

As non-senior students exit the gym, feeling sorrow and inescapable depression, one sentence is uttered by the masses:

“This whole thing is rigged.”

According to previous articles published by The Muse, for the past 10 years the senior class has claimed Spirit Week victory. For 10 years, the seniors have left the gym, the Spirit Stick in their often undeserving possession.  

Now, I’m not saying that each year’s senior class is part of this conspiracy involving not only multiple foreign actors but also extraterrestrial life forms but, as the world’s most famous fictional sleuth Junie B. Jones would say, something smells fishy.

But before we jump to conclusions, we first need to break down how exactly Spirit Week points are won. You see, to misquote Sherlock Holmes, “to see the larger picture, the smaller pictures must first be examined.”

According to the SGA, the points for Spirit Week are broken down into two separate categories: points earned for costume day participation and points earned for performances and games. How convenient, one might say, that if the senior class fails (heaven forbid) at the public events, a quick influx of tickets could easily sway the course of an otherwise fair tally system.

For example, let’s go back in time to 2017, when the biggest rivalries affecting the lives of students were not political or economic but were centered around YouTube diss tracks and the color of a dress (it’s clearly blue and black). In an article from The Muse, Cody Baez states:

“After losing the free throw, hungry hippos, and musical chair competitions to the juniors, the Pep Rally dance was supposed to be the saving grace,” writes Baez. “However, the seniors received third place, and it only took a couple of seconds for all chaos to break loose. After screams and shouts from the seniors, one even going as far as to ripping his shirt off, it seemed all hope was lost for the Class of 2017. Miraculously, after all the points were totaled, the seniors were crowned the winners of Spirit Week 2017.”

This has become quite the pattern, with last year’s Spirit Week seeming to have competitions won by the juniors until the very last moment when victory was, of course, declared for the senior class. Now, I may not be exactly “passing” math, but I can be certain when saying that something doesn’t add up.

It also seems quite strange that along with the seniors repeatedly receiving first, the other places seem to fall in line in descending grade order. Even though I will admit my grade (class of 2025) definitely deserved to lose last year, it’s still odd that this pattern persists year after year. Once again, it seems to me that the chances of this being a coincidence are as slim as Ms. Bennett declaring war on Dreyfoos Magic.

As you can see, it does not take somebody as intelligent as Einstein to reveal that Spirit Week is in favor of the seniors before it ever starts. 

But, you may be wondering as you ponder the evidence laid before you: 

“What can be done about this moral dilemma and how can I, an average civilian living in this rapidly modernizing world, do anything to change decades worth of tradition?”

Or something like that.

The answer is simple: nothing.

This is where the twist comes in. The thing is, the majority of students will one day become seniors and will subsequently completely change every single feeling that they have had for the previous three years. All of a sudden, Spirit Week will become a wonderfully fair and just event, upheld by the SGA with strict rules that will be won by the grade that is simply superior. 

When the time comes, we all can be the ants swarming over the gym floor.

And that, my friends, is a wonderful tradition.